


Queenslayer

by MoonyEater



Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: Jay dies, Overthinking, but also wholesome content, but dont worry he comes back, hmm... i just want louis to love me., i just want my boy to suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonyEater/pseuds/MoonyEater
Summary: Jay touched the vestige, thinking he'd just be going into another memory. And he had. He just hadn't expected to witness his own.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Queenslayer

Jay gasps, dropping the vestige to the ground. _How..._ His mind was racing, one hand digging into the fabric of his sweater, just where his heart was, and the other gripping tightly onto the Assassin's Sickle. 

He's stumbling back, not hearing Mia calling his name. What was he? He should have died back then, like the Queen. He should have followed her in whatever afterlife there was for things like him. 

When he had fallen off that cliff... When he had been shot in the heart... All of that should have brought him to his death. 

And yet? Here he was. Still alive. Sure, he had been called resilient by that woman after taking damage to his heart... But that had been a direct shot. That's not resilience, that's an abnormality. 

Was it the Queen's blood? Was the shit coursing through his veins the reason he was _broken?_

Jay's boot gets caught on the root, and there's a nasty snap as he falls backward. His mind doesn't register the pain, though. It doesn't register anything. Not the people who scream his name, not the hand that reaches out to grab him as he falls off the path. 

Even his fear of heights is momentarily forgotten, the void below opening up as if to greet him once more. 

\+ + +

"Shoot him, Mia, but don't hit his heart!" Louis shouts, hands gripping the railing. There's nothing he can do, but watch his companion fall. "He's not in the right of mind to Disperse, and if he falls from that height, his heart won't be making it!" 

"Are you sure that filling him with holes will work?" 

"No," Louis mutters. What if it doesn't work? Will they lose their only hope? Will he lose another comrade? He doesn’t have the luxury to double-guess himself right now.

The first shot rings out, followed by many more. The trio could only watch and hope that was enough. 

\+ + + 

Jay wakes up in cold sweat, salivating at the mouth, and making a mess on his pillow. Small bursts of pain wrack his body, the thirst for blood growing. 

"Ah, you're awake!" 

He sits up, staring into a pair of sleepy brown eyes. 

"Rin..." Jay mutters, shifting away from the girl. He's digging his nails into his thighs, feeling the hunger clawing its way into his nerves.

"Oh, sorry," she laughs, scratching the back of her neck, "I was supposed to watch you, but I ended up falling asleep instead. But you're finally awake! The others will be happy!" 

"How long...?" He doesn't need to elaborate as she instantly gets what he's meaning.

"If you'd slept another day, it would have made it a week." 

Jay furrows his brows, mulling over that. He remembers the memory clearly, but he doesn't remember what happened after it. Had he blacked out? Did he panic and go into a frenzy? 

"Don't worry, though. Louis says there was no damage to your heart and that you were just willingly sleeping. He thinks whatever you say in that memory might have... Activated a very flight or fight response." 

Her eyes brighten, and she searches through her pockets as if she just remembered something. 

"Here! Yakumo knew you'd be starving when you woke up!" She pulls out a bloodbead, and Jay's instincts kick in once he sees it. Before she can say anymore, he snatches it out of her hand and bites into it. It's drained completely, but somehow, he still feels famished. 

"We tried our best to feed you while you slept, but it was pretty difficult," she laughs, "Not only are you a restless sleeper, but you've almost bit holes into poor Mia's hand. You would also choke on the blood more often than you would actually drink it." 

An embarrassed flush overcomes Jay's expression. 

"You also wouldn't settle down for Louis when he attempted to care for you many times. Honestly, it was like a child throwing a tantrum!" 

Her laughing is only increasing how much Jay wants to die inside. 

"Can you... Uh... Thank them for me? And also apologize? I'm just gonna die." 

He flops back onto his bed, throwing the covers over his head. 

"Nope! No can do! You need to get up and take a bath! You're stinky!" Rin is giggling, tugging at his blanket. "C'mon out! You can't stay in there forever!" 

"I can, and I will! That's so embarrassing! Having to be a burden on them and then being awful while they're just trying to take care of me... Especially Louis."

_Not only that, but there's that damn memory of mine. What am I going to tell them? What am I going to say that will make them not instantly hate me? Should I lie? If they're smart, they will just keep me around until the blood springs are all healed and then kill me. Shit! What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Lie. I have to lie. I need them to keep needing me for as long as I live._

"Wow! If you talked as much as you thought, you'd be very talkative I bet." She'd pulled the blankets from his face, surely smiling underneath that mask of hers. "I don't know what you're getting so worked up about, but whatever it is, I'm sure we can help you with it." 

Jay wants to look away from her, wants to tell her that nothing is wrong. 

"I think I'm going to go take a shower, but first, are the others awake?"

"Nope! Or at least they shouldn't be. Do you want me to wake them?" 

Jay shakes his head and sits back up. The sense of melancholy washes over him again, but he pushes it down. 

"Let them rest a little longer." 

His bare feet slap against the floor as he makes his way over to his wardrobe. His usual outfit is there, but there are a lot more holes in it than usual. 

"Louis tried his best to stitch up, despite Yakumo's constant nagging that he should be doing it instead." 

Jay lets out a small laugh, opting for a simple long shirt and baggy sleep shorts. 

"We can all talk in the morning right? The hot springs usually make me really sleepy afterward." 

"Sure, but if you don't mind, I think I'm going to stay here for the night... Since it is my job to watch over you and all." 

It's clear she's joking, throwing herself on top of the bed. 

"Get comfy, because according to what you said, you're not going to get a lot of sleep." 

\+ + 

Before getting into the hot springs, Jay takes a short shower. It's just quick enough to wash himself down, and not get too much into his thoughts. After all, he doesn't want to do a lot of thinking right now. 

After he's finished with that, he scampers to the hot springs. Rin said that no one was awake, so he kept his towel folded neatly up in his arms, but that didn't mean someone wouldn't wake up and find him in all his naked glory. 

Jay leaves his clothes neatly stacked on the table before he slowly enters the hot water. It's not long before he's almost completely immersed, back against the wall, and water lapping at his chin. His towel is resting on his head, threatening to slip into the water if he's not too careful. 

Honestly, now that he thinks about it, he's glad to be out of that white hell. It was far too big, far too confusing, and far too high. 

Ever since he woke up with Io looking over him, that genuine fear of heights resided in him. Jay remembers looking over the ridge in the city, his heart thundering his chest. Just the thought of it makes him sick!

He squeezes his eyes shut, pulling his legs up to his chest. 

Now he knows why. That's not the only thing that was explained, though... 

_'This was too,'_ his hand inches in between his knee and chest, feeling the scar there. That hit he took to the heart had to be the cause of it, the only plausible explanation. _'But I still don't have all my memories... Hell... I don't even have half of them! What happened!? The Queen's death was so long ago... Where was I this entire time? Io wasn't taking care of me all that time... That much is sure.'_

Jay could shout in frustration right now, tear the hair from his head, and cry. There were still so many things he needed to know. He opens his eyes, staring blankly ahead. _'It never even explained this sense that I need to find something. Did past me forget about it too? Damn...!'_

He wraps his arms around his knees, resting his chin on top of them. Who was he before he became a revenant? Did he have anybody special? Was he alone? 

Does it even matter? Even if he had someone out there, chances are, they're dead. They weren't waiting for him! The only people he had now were inside that building, and they wouldn't want him around after they heard about what he'd learn. So, the best idea to do was, he wasn't going to tell them. 

\+ + 

He finds Rin had actually fallen asleep again, snoring into the pillow. Her mask is pressed against her, fingers clutching onto it tightly. 

Jay doesn't wake her from her well-deserved rest, he just grabs a pillow and spare blankets. After all, having the whole floor to himself didn't sound so bad. 

At least it didn't until he woke up with a foot in his rib. 

"Sorry! I didn't see you there!" 

He lets out a small groan, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. Rin came into his view, her cheeks a bright red. 

"Though it is your fault for sleeping on the floor and not telling me!" 

Jay grins up at her sleepily, and says, "Well you were asleep, and I couldn't wake you up. That'd be rude of me." 

She huffs, hands on her hips. It's obvious she isn't really angry or annoyed, though. 

"Let's go get you some breakfast, and then you can tell the others what you saw." 

His smile doesn't falter as he readily agrees to it. 

\+ + 

Jay really doesn't like the eyes that are staring at him. Like he's some monkey in a cage for everyone to ogle at. That just makes him feel worse. He should really tell them, but would it actually benefit them in any way? 

Of course, it would. Louis could do more of the testing that he enjoyed, make new theories with this new information given to him. 

Jay opens his mouth only to snap it close again at the second thought.

He hates the thought that they would only keep him around for what he can do, that they would murder him after all this was over. Yes, he needs to be needed, but he wants them to need him in a way other than abilities. For instance, emotional support. Or for making onigiri. Not just because he can do some stupid stuff with his blood. 

These people weren't like this, though. They've protected him on multiple occasions, they've given him comfort, they've tolerated all his naivety and suggestive jokes. That's because they want him around, right? 

Would Louis have helped him out if he hadn't healed that mistle? Maybe they were really only keeping him around for his power?

Jay's hands slowly creep up to his ears. He wants to stop thinking about all these horrible thoughts, but somehow they keep coming. He shouldn't be thinking this way about his friends. They care about him. 

_Do they? Do they actually care?_

"Jay!" 

Louis is gripping the redhead's wrist with a tight grip; his red eyes full of concern. He looks relieved when Jay finally seems to respond.

"Good. You're back with us." 

Jay's blank expression becomes scrunched with confusion. 

"You spaced out pretty bad. I've been trying to get your attention, but it was like you couldn't hear me." 

"Oh... Haha..." Jay smiles nervously, scratching his jaw as his nervous laughter dies down. "Sorry. I was thinking." 

"Obviously. You were having second thoughts about telling us, right?" Yakumo says, "You need to stop second-guessing yourself so much." 

Jay lets out another small laugh, not knowing how to respond. 

"Look," Louis says, drawing his attention back to him, "Whatever you saw, it might be terrible or down-right nightmare-fuel, but we're here for you. So, please, tell us what you saw." 

"I'll tell you later, but right now, I'm not ready." He closes his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment on his comrades' faces. They were putting their faith into him, but here he was, letting them down. 

"That's ok!" Jay feels a slap on his back, "There's no rush. If what you saw makes you this uncomfortable, take the time you need." 

He looks at Yakumo, who moved closer. Even Mia had, leaning forward and smiling at him. Coco had her back turned, arms crossed over her chest. 

"Whatever kid," she says, "Just because you're feeling a little bad, I'll treat you to something special. For free this time, but don't get too used to it." 

"You should also take a break from doing missions," Rin says. Jay can't even disagree with her before Io chirps up. 

"I think you should... Listen to her. You've been on missions non-stop. It would be a good thing." 

"Io..." Jay mumbles, but once again he's cut short. 

"Mia and Yakumo could work out on the field by themselves for a bit. It won't hurt them. You can help me with my research." 

Jay furrows his brows, looking at Louis. "We're so close, though! I want to be there for when they find the source!" 

"You guys will come back if you find the source right?" Louis asks.

"Yep!" Mia says. 

"Obviously. I wouldn't want you two missing it." 

He pulls his arm away from the dark-haired Revenant, crossing them over his chests with a scowl. 

"If I can help in some way, at least, I won't argue about it." 

There's a hint of a smile on Louis' lip as he says, "Thank you. Two minds will be better than one." 

\+ + +

\+ + +

\+ + +

So, like, I've really enjoyed this game so far. The story is right up my alley, and sometimes the combat makes me want to jab my toe into a door because it'd be a lot less painful... But... Yanno. Anyways, I wanted to write about how my character would react to figuring this out. I feel like he would take it horribly,, as written. Anyways, I hope I made the canon characters' personality close to canon... 

~~Also lowkey been wanting to roleplay Jay~~

And since I hadn't described him much: https://eatthemoon.tumblr.com/post/617436379389034496/no-thoughts-head-empty-only-jay


End file.
